Tonight I remembered how much I LOVE to cook! And I also realized that I am making progress!

It was an unintended long day of work (12.5 hours to be exact!).  I forgot about a night time meeting and I was up at 5 am, at work by 7 and had a moment of dread when I looked at my calendar-“How am I going to make it through today with any energy left over?”  Normally a long day would totally drain me, and for that to happen on a Monday is NO BUENO!!  So, after a brief freak out moment, I set to work, tackled each task one piece at a time-payroll, positions (hiring, balancing), budget, email, email, email, staff discussions, etc and before I knew it, it was 6pm, time for my meeting and 1.5 hours from going home….  and I STILL had energy! WHAT???  YYYYAAAAYYYY!!!!!!!

I knew going in to today that I wanted to get a soup in the crock pot tonight. Then this morning I was STARVING at 10am after my yummy shake at 6ish and was craving some eggs, so wanted a crustless quiche in the fridge for a good 10am snack!  After a long day like today, cooking wouldn’t be a remote option.  It’d be home ASAP, pjs, a snack and bed!  Tonight?  Tonight I surprised myself!   Got home, changed, went to the kitchen and pulled everything out of the fridge for both these dishes and set to work.  Quiche first- chop lots of YUMMY green veggies, saute, stir, wisk, stir, stir, scrape- OVEN!  Straight on to the crock pot soup (a yummy chicken stew with LOTS more yummy veggies)!!! Chop, chop, chop, spice (don’t ask how much or what– it just all ended up in there, a little wine, stock, water, chicken on top, cover and ready to turn on when I go to bed!!!  I even cleaned up!  I haven’t done that after making such meals in a LONG time!!!  Usually happens the next day or 2… ok sometimes 3 or 4! And as I was cleaning up, doing dishes by hand, wiping up my counters, I had this thought… “Gosh, I really like to cook! It fills my soul!” and then it hit….”WAIT!!!!  I just made 2 dishes and a shake at 8:00 at night after a 12 hour day!” WWWHHHAAATTTT????????????? And now I’m writing about it! If you will remember, 6 months ago, heck, 3 months ago, I could barely think about cooking- pb &j, shakes, panera, easy! And now, here I am, cooking and writing about it and remembering that I LOVE to cook!  And it feels soAMAZING! Absolutely amazing! When it comes to AF, one of the best things you can do, is to find the things that fill your soul… that makes you happy, that fuels your life.  Whatever those things are, (cooking, yoga, running, walking, reading, spending time with your family/ friends), do them! In small doses at first as you have energy, and you will see, you will be fueled by the things you love!

I understand where you are, I have been there myself- unable to think, unable to function, exhausted and just wanting to sleep!  And, it is so contrite to say, I used to roll my eyes when I would hear it said…, but it is true.  Take hope my friend and stay on your path, find the things that bring you fuel, and you will LIVE again!!!!!